Is this a sign?

I was paid a visit by two religious leaders from An-Nur mosque yesterday. They came to introduce the activities that the mosque is having and to get to know the people in the Woodlands area. I was skeptical at first and the session got worse for me coz they started talking more and more about religious topics.

I must admit, I am not a deeply religious person and it has a lot to do with the fact that I was not taught from young much about my religion anyway. What was worse was that ever since I've finished JC, I started blaming god for every single thing that went wrong in my life. It went downhill mostly from then on and so did my faith in god. I did poorly in my A's.......I blamed god. I lost my little sister......I blamed god. My dad lost his job.......I blamed god. I failed to get into OCS........I blamed god. I got fat......I blamed god. Everything and anything I could find I blamed god.

During the initial part of the visit, I had the urge to tell them that I was not interested in listening to their speech but something in me told me to just be patient and listen them through. And so I did. And as we continued talking, something strange happened. The anger in me suddenly turned into sadness. I felt ashamed of myself. One of them asked this,
"This world is just temporary and so how much have you prepared yourself to face judgment after you die."
I was quiet.
There were a lot more other things that he said which got me thinking. One of them was that god can give us everything we need in life and he can take it away too. Now this has actually got me thinking. All this while, I have been blaming god for taking away things and people dear to me. But what if he took it away to actually give me everything that I wanted in life? Pretty complicated right......but I'm beginning to understand a little now.
Yeah....I screwed up my A's and wasted a couple of year but look where it got me. I found the girl of my dreams there and it lead me to take up this Diploma course which eventually got me this job that I wanted for so long. Even my posting in the army influenced my decision to take up the Aerospace Electronics course compared to the DARE course. Losing my sister, well I am just glad that he gave me the opportunity to love and care for a little sister even though it was just for a short time. So, I guess everything turned out fine in the end. And did I say thank you to god?

I feel ashamed...............

And I realise now that my pursuit of material gains has clouded my better judgment and poisoned my soul. It has been more than a year since I last visited my sister. I cannot even remember where precisely she was buried.

I feel ashamed
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